By Carlton III Mellick
A bizarro Christmas story... jam-packed with intercourse and violenceSanta is not the jolly previous elf he is been defined as in kid's tales. he is a piece extra gruesome than that. His eyes are pimento-stuffed olives, his enamel are walnuts, and his physique is made up of sausages. One snowy Christmas Eve, whereas traveling the Fry relations, Sausagey Santa is attacked through an evil strength that's pushed to smash Christmas eternally. It is an anti-Christmas spirit that loathes every little thing having to do with youngsters and Jesus. After it steals his magic bag of offers, Santa calls upon Matthew Fry and his spouse, Decapitron (a brutish warrior lady with a unusual Christmas fetish and a sweet cane sword), to assist get it again and retailer Christmas for everybody. it is the maximum sausage-spewing, elf-raping, zombie-killing, Transformer-fucking, reindeer-exploding, snowman-battling, adventure-rocking, bizarro Christmas tale OF ALL TIME!!!
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A bizarro Christmas tale. .. jam-packed with intercourse and violenceSanta is not the jolly previous elf he is been defined as in kid's tales. he is a section extra ugly than that. His eyes are pimento-stuffed olives, his enamel are walnuts, and his physique is made from sausages. One snowy Christmas Eve, whereas vacationing the Fry kin, Sausagey Santa is attacked by way of an evil strength that's pushed to ruin Christmas perpetually.
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(Book Jacket prestige: Jacketed)The merely hardcover variation of Roald Dahl’s tales for adults, the amassed tales amply showcases his singular presents as a fabulist and a born storyteller. Later identified for his immortal children’s books, together with Charlie and the Chocolate manufacturing unit, James and the enormous Peach, and The BFG, Dahl additionally had a genius for grownup brief fiction, which he wrote all through his lifestyles.
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Additional info for Sausagey Santa
They are beginning to get really excited about all this D&D talk. On the walls, I realize that the framed pieces of notebook 53 paper are actually character sheets. Engraved into the frames are the words “Warrior of the Week” with a name and date. All of the characters are of the elf race. There aren’t any dwarves or gnomes or halflings or humans. I wonder if Santa’s elves wish they were more like the Dungeons and Dragons elves. Maybe they wish the were taller and more agile. Skillful with the bow and quick with a sword.
The coffee birds circle above, searching for more snowmen in the area. “Yeah,” I say. ” ☺ Upstairs, Nora and Angelica are putting on slippers. Decapitron has holstered the twins to her back but didn’t bother changing out of her green reindeer fetish outfit. “The snowmen, they’ve . ” I begin. She snaps her fingers to hurry me up. 36 “They’ve come for Sausagey Santa . ” ☺ We go downstairs. Snowballs are being pelted at the side of the house. “It’s too late, me buckaroos,” Santa says, crying at us and wiping the tears away with his beard.
The hate was sucked out of Kringle’s brain tissue through vacuum tubes. When sucked out of the brain, hate looks like steaming hot black coffee. They extracted enough hate 43 coffee to fill five bathtubs. When it was all over, Kringle was free of his hatred and soon became the happy piratey character sitting next to me. Unfortunately, Kringle is 100% immortal. And by 100% I mean that not any tiny piece of him can ever die. Not even his hate. Though it was separated from him, the hatred did not die.